Went to BJJ and Kickboxing class last night. My frustration level has not subsided much. 😦 I realize the amount of pressure I’m putting on myself right now is not entirely realistic. I’m not sure exactly why I’m doing it. My mother reminded me today that there is no need for me to be perfect at the tournament this weekend and to simply do my best. She’s right, I know (don’t tell her I said that! :)). I just have this feeling like so much is riding on this…and I’m not even sure what this “so much” is.
I rolled with my friend, and the only other female who trains BJJ in our gym, last night twice. I told her before rolling to “put it on me” so that I can feel what a match might be like. She is definitely within the weight class for the tournament but is still smaller than the cut off so the girls I will compete against very well may still be bigger. I wanted her to give it her all because it would help me to get a better feel for my game in an actual tournament setting. I even assured her it was OK for her to muscle through me because that may also happen on Saturday. Let me just say…rolling with her last night SUCKED! 😦 I felt like I could not do ANYTHING. It was so utterly frustrating.
The experience has made me a bit more nervous…if my tournament matches look anything like my rolling looked last night, I will be so embarrassed! She and I talked about our two rolls after class ended and she made the point that when I started out on top I definitely had the advantage. I noticed this as well and so I’m definitely keeping this in mind. This does, however, mean that I will probably need to get the take down and we all know how well I do with that! I’m just trying my best not to get in my own way and psych myself out. I’m trying to be realistic about my strengths but also my weakness and areas that need more work.
Rolling with the guys last night was not quite as trying but I also asked them to “put it on me” as well. It was different than usual but I felt a little more confident. I’m sure this has to do with the fact that I train more with men. I tend to feel more comfortable and confident when rolling with the guys at the gym. This is why I have asked my female friend to please come to another BJJ class this week so that she can mop the floor with me again. 🙂 Only 4 more days and all this anxiety and stress will be behind me one way or another.